Brainspotting My Way Through a Hot Flash Summer
It’s been a helluva week, literally! It’s been 100-degree+ days here in Riverside, Southern California. And just image how bad it sucks to live in a home that has no AC. It can feel like a preheated oven in here during the dog days of summer! This is not the weather for someone chronic illness, chronic pain, and chronic fatigue, as well as autoimmune conditions. I take HBP meds, anti-anxiety meds, an antipsychotic and a mood stabilizer, all known to encourage Heat Exhaustion and sun sensitivity, and one has to be careful not to cross over to Heat Stroke.
Yesterday I had my weekly Somatic Therapy session and T. and I worked on Brain Spotting while I listened to Brain-Spotting 10-Hour Binary Beats. While I listened to these beats in the comfort of my own headphones, T. used a tangled-spring tipped pointer and as she held it at different angles to evoke a Somatic Release from me; whether it be sobbing, quickened heart-rate, yawning, hiccupping, or belching—seriously, anything that the body does to calm the Nervous System. I’m interested to see what it does to my Nervous System just as I’m entering perimenopause.
So, she held this pointer in different heights, directions and told me to notice what I’m feeling and where I feel it while maintaining eye-contact with the tangled-spiral tip. When she held it to my right (her left), I had strong feelings of abandonment in my chest and stomach and I felt 4 or 7 years old, depending on which body part I focused on. She’d tell me to stay with the feeling and be curious about it. When she held the pointer to my left (her right) I felt a sense of encouragement and support; I felt 14 and 17 years old and I felt strong and supported in my back and shoulders. All this while listening to the video linked above. I love my weekly escape to Los Angeles and I like the traffic because it gives me a few hours in a well air conditioned vehicle while I read, doom scroll, work on assignments, or be artistic and watercolor or draw during my 2-hour (one-way) commute every week.
In 3 days, ResistantAF Launches and we’re hosting our First Monthly Book/Reading Club on August 1st, 2026. We’re meeting via Google Meet, so make sure to sign up! August Book Club. I’m excited to meet with all of you! We’re going to go over the week’s reading list from The Essentials Tales & Poems of Edgar Allan Poe. Then, the following 3 Saturday Book Club meetings will be in the WhatsApp, Telegram, and Signal Chats. Make sure you’re there! We’re celebrating Spooky Season now that Independence Day passed and we’re ready for costumes and candy and creepy movies, oh my! Today I actually watched The Nightmare Before Christmas and Frankenweine.
I’m really excited to share this journey of Whole Person Care and my goal to getting back into Fightin’ Shape! From surgeries to new diets to aqua fitness with the local seniors and free fitness classes at IEHP Community Center, I plan on taking back my life. I can’t allow myself to fall into another episode of darkness, but I’ll always be depressed, I’ve suffered a lot of trauma I’m only barely working on. I also wasn’t diagnosed with autism and ADHD until I was 35. So I’m learning to drop the mask, survive the burnout, and avoid meltdowns when I’m overwhelmed and overstimulated.
Treatment-resistant doesn't mean hopeless — it means the treatment needs to change. Healing is a courageous, creative process, and every step toward a different approach is a step toward reclaiming your life. And I am determined to fight for my life this time around. I escaped death and I’d rather avoid the chase, so I plan on being proactive about my journey and really lean on my team and friends and family.
On August 1st, I’ll also be posting a very long document. It’s a document that covers all of the ADA and Mentally Ill person’s injustices and violations while being impatient at Corona Regional Medical Behavior Center—The Willows. I documented all the way staff added not only to my trauma, but that of the people I was sharing the space with. I promised those people that I would go public with my grievance and rating of the hospital and staff. This document is 20 pages long and well organized and I’ll attach both my GoFundMe Me to raise money for a lawyer, as well as our Change.org petition. Please check out the petition and leave your signature, I would appreciate the support! I’m trying to be a voice for the voiceless. I was born to advocate.
